Cat's Camping Adventure
by The-Riddler95
Summary: When Selina gets Bruce, her cats, and four unwilling adults to go camping with her in the woods, chaos ensues, weirdness starts going down, and Alfred slaps his forehead a few times!
1. Going Camping

**Heeeeyyyyy so this is fun! This was a collaboration with FanWriter83, so go check out her awesome profile and get the explanation for Selina's cats. Without further ado, here it is...**

Bruce and Selina, sitting in the study eating their breakfast when Alfred walks inside with a very displeased look on his face. Alfred clears his throat to get their attention and it works. The children look up.

"Which one of your cats did this?" Alfred scowls angrily, holding up his torn pants for Selina to see. Selina and Bruce shared a questioned look. Just when Alfred was expecting to get no answer on the subject, like usual, Selina drops herself dramatically onto the floor.

"It was me, Alfred!" she says with a dramatic look on her face, throwing her arms up in surrender. Bruce looks with mouth dropped wide open. "I couldn't control myself, I had to do it!" Right on cue, Selina shifts herself onto her knees toward Alfred, sitting still in front of his feet. "What's wrong with me? Why do I keep I doing things like this? Why doesn't anyone do anything to stop me? Can't you just see this is a desperate cry for help?" burying her face into her hands and starts 'fake' sobbing.

Alfred stared at Bruce, who shrugged, and Alfred sighed. "Just don't do it again."

"No!" Selina yelled, trying to hold Alfred back. "I need help! I'm traumatized and I have no one to turn to! I grew up on the streets, assassins are after me, and I live with a kid who wears sweater vests!"

Alfred yelled, "Alright, what do you want?"

Selina stood up, immediately stopping her crying and beaming like the sun. "Me and Bruce want to go camping."

Alfred again stared at Bruce, who also smiled back. Selina grabbed Alfred's hand and tried to gain sympathy. "We're stuck in the mansion all day, we have nothing to do, we're bored out of our minds, We need fresh air! Maybe if you let us, we'll behave more?"

'Yeah right,' Alfred thinks to himself. 'You and behaving.' Alfred not intend to hide his suspiciousness under the tables, shoots his most suspicious look at the girl who's still is smiling like she had never done before.

For a moment he looks at Bruce, noticing the same eager sparkle in his eyes as in Selina's eyes and figures the girl might be right. Just this time. "Fine!" Alfred growls, freeing his hand from Selina's, noticing it's all sticky of the tons of jam she puts on her bread. He makes an attempt to clean it on his apron but fails. Alfred sighs. " And no tricks, miss, or else I kick you myself back to the streets. Assassins or not."

"Yes!" both children cheer excitedly, stuffing their faces with the rest of their breakfast and start running down the place like a pack of wild animals in order to find the Wayne's camping stuff. Alfred however, sighs again, wondering if he can turn back the clock to the day the useless detective brought the crazy girl into the manor. If he could, he would kick them both out no matter if it was against Bruce's will or not.

"I think my dad put the camping stuff in the attic years ago," Bruce says, climbing up the large staircase to the highest level of the manor. "It's lying there for years to dust. Don't really know why." Slowly he opens the door, turning on the light and that's when they notice why. The entire attack floor was rotten and a few wooden boards where missing. You could even see the room below. "Great!"

"Well, after you, kiddo," Selina screeches, cue mischievous smile on her face. "You're not scared, are you?"

Bruce stutters, "N-no, I just- I was worried about you…"

Selina laughs, "I'll be fine. Are you scared?"

"N-not at all."

Bruce makes it three steps in when Selina grabs his leg in the darkness and he screams, running downstairs faster than he ever ran before, and Selina doubles over laughing.

Sighing, Selina looked around the old dusty room. "That butler is terrible at his job," She thought, swabbing the dust off a table with her finger. She looked around, peering over a shelf and a swarm of bats flew at her, nearly taking her head off. Finally, she found the camping equipment and shook her head. Typical of the Wayne's to buy satin sleeping bags, an inflatable tent, and a portable cooker.

Selina sighed, poking the silk blankets with her finger and nudging the portable charger. "I can do much better."

To the shock of Alfred and the amusement of Bruce (Sitting on the couch and examining his leg for claw marks) Selina arrived through the door with her old ragged sleeping bags and sticks from the streets.

"Okay, newbies," Selina cries excitedly, tossing everything onto the cough beside Bruce, cue smirk over to Alfred when she hears him growl. "Satin sleeping bags? Please. Lucky for you guys, I brought my own stuff otherwise we wouldn't last for long in those woods."

Alfred, still looking horrified to the sleeping bags and sticks, wonders if it would be safe for Bruce to sleep in there. By the looks of it, it was covered with a dry red stain, which could be only one thing.

"Please tell me that's not blood," Alfred says and can't avoid the disgusted undertone in his voice. His face even turns more grossed when Selina licks at it, reassuring him it's just a spaghetti sauce stain. Bruce chuckles.

Alfred turns around and mutters; "If they don't invent a time machine in the next five minutes I'll invent one myself." and with that, the butler stomps over to the kitchen, wondering how much food he has to pack.

"So, how many sleeping bags do you got there?" Bruce asks, eyeing the dirty things beside him. Selina holds them all up to see. "Five? What about Bullock, Jim and Ed? I don't think they have own equipment."

"Don't worry," Selina says with a smile. "We can share." Bruce becomes all red in the face. "But for now, we're only with the three of us. Alfred can't know about the extra campers or else he will blow the whole thing off. We don't want that, do we?" Bruce shakes his head rapidly.


	2. Bullock's Scary Story

A little while later, Alfred hears a knock at the door and goes to answer it, finding Jim, Ed, and Bullock standing at the door. Bullock looks tired and drunk, and Ed is smiling and holding a bag of chips.

"Hello," Alfred says, "What are you lot doing here?"

Jim sighs, "Selina told me she saw an assassin in the bushes and needed me to come over and investigate."

Bullock growls, "Selina told me there was going to be beer."

Ed grins, "Selina told me we were going to go camping!"

Selina ran down the stairs dressed in her camping gear, arms outstretched, and slid on the floor until she was standing beside Alfred, "You're right! We're going camping!" She was followed by Bruce (who was sweating from having to carry both of their backpacks) and her cats, all following her in a line.

"What is the meaning of this?" Alfred bellowed, face turning red.

Selina put on a disappointed face and wagged her finger, "Alfred, is that any way to treat our guests?" she smirked, before skipping off into the woods as a smiling Bruce and the four groaning adults followed her. Selina's four legged friends, trailing behind.

"Do they really have to come?" Ed asks, looking very displeased at the cats, wondering why Alfred actually put up with them. Was one cat not enough? Nobody answered Ed's question. Alfred and Jim knew it was better not to provoke Selina and Bullock, well Bullock was too drunken anyway. He could even barely stand on his feet.

"Bullock, catch!" Selina cries all the sudden, grabbing the backpack and tossing them one at the time toward the unaware cop. One backpack hit him in his stomach the other to his head, causing him the double over onto the ground. Bruce and Selina skipped further into the woods until they disappeared between the tree's and only their laughter was heard, which also disappeared in matter of seconds.

"Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?" Bullock huffs, crawling back up. They all turn their heads toward him. "We can leave them here. No-one will ever find them!" Cue wide smirk.

After a little walking, Selina finally yells, "Here we are!"

Alfred fumes, "This is the woods outside the manor! We're like two minutes away from the mansion! What's the point?"

"The point is camping! Everyone, set up your tents!"

Bruce dropped Selina's backpack on the ground next to her and collapsed on the ground from exhaustion.

"Why is Bruce holding your backpack?" Jim asks.

Selina proudly smirks, "I told him I'd let him kiss me."

Everyone stares, Bruce on the ground starts blushing.

"Okay people, let's get a campfire started!"

Ed and Jim found some firewood nearby, and Selina rubbed two sticks together until it became a fire. The gang sat in a circle around the fire and stared at each other. Selina broke the silence screaming, "Who wants to tell campfire stories?"

"Don't mind me if I do," " Bullock huffs, trying to stand up on his wobbly feet but fails when one of Selina's catch runs off screaming because he stepped on its tail. Selina throws and angry glare at him, racing after her cat to retrieve it. When she returns, cat and all, Bullock hadn't even started his story yet. Bruce had told him to wait. "Sit down, Cat freak!" cue point over to the log between Bruce and Alfred. Selina does, gently stroking her cat.

And that's when Bullock starts his totally dramatized campfire story ever. Obviously the alcohol started to effect his brains.

"I was 15 years old and my old man forced me to camp with him in this woods to be precisely. He called it; daddy/son bonding trip!" Bullock snorts, remembering it all again. "I was sitting with my dad, eating steak and drinking beer by the fire when we suddenly heard this wild roar!" Bullock tries to give his best impression of the 'roar' which only seemed to work on Ed because the guy immediately screamed like a girl, jumping up and causing his marshmallow fly through the air. "And that's when I saw it. The fabled monster of Gotham City. It had to be ten feet tall, with thick brown hair and huge snarling fangs. I barely escaped with my life, but my dad wasn't so lucky. I only saw the beast for a second when it bit off my dad's arm, and we never returned to this woods again..."

Jim tapped Bullock's shoulder, "You said your dad lost his arm in the war."

"Sshhhh..."

No one said a word, Bruce and Selina looking at each other, then back at Bullock. Finally, Selina said, "You know you just confessed to underaged drinking in front of a cop, right?"

Jim waved, and Bullock stomped his foot. "That's not the point!"

Selina scoffed and put her cat down. "Please, there's no way anyone is dumb enough to be scared by that, right Bruce?" She nudged him, then when he didn't say anything, she looked over to see him not blinking, completely pale like a deer in headlights with pee running down his leg. Bullock laughed, and Selina patted him on the shoulder. "It's okay, It's okay."

"Well, the girl is right," Nygma says, taking a nibble from his marshmallow. "I never heard of the baffled monster of Gotham City...-"

"Fabled monster of Gotham City, my friend," bullock exclaims so suddenly and into Nygma's ear his shrieks up, glaring over to him. Bruce even starts more whimpering. "And when you've heard his cries, You believe. Trust me! Hm?" And that's when Bullock cups both hands on each side of his mouth, throws his head into his neck and cries out the most strange animal noise ever heard. It even makes Alfred and Jim turning pale. "That's right. Let that roll around in your head for a minute."

Selina scoffs, "You're not scaring me with your wild and loony story."

Bullock zooms his face close to hers, staring deep and deranged into her green eyes. "Really? What if there were... spiders out there in the dark, hm? Giant spiders. Spiders big enough to swallow that precious and over grown cat of yours over there and then barf out his bones? Bleh-ehh-ehh-ehh!"

"Leave Alfred JR out of this!" Selina screeches and her voice slightly trembles. Quickly she picks up the Maine Coon and squishes him into a hug before leaving into her tent.

"Yeah, that's right! go to bed! Sleep! If you can..."

Everyone is deep asleep. The fire burns out and sounds from the woods startle Bullock awake. "Ah! what was that?" When he looks aside of him he sees Jim and Nygma are asleep. Bullock gasps as he hears more animal cries echoing through the woods. slowly he crawls out of his tent and ventures into the forest. But only because he has to. His blather starts to act up.

While taking a leak in a shrub nearby, a 'creature's' shadow is running around and startles Bullock some more and he softly mutters; Fabled monster of Gotham City! I knew it...

Then, the shadow casts over him again and Bullock screams his lungs out when it suddenly attacks him. Swinging his arms around him to chase it away but nothing works. Bullock drops to the ground, crawling himself up to a ball. Which is hard for a man his size.

suddenly something starts picking against his head, and when Bullock opens his eyes he sees its a chicken.. Full of relief; "Oh... it's just a chicken."Clears throat; "Hellooo breakfast!"

Ready to grab the chicken, suddenly another shadow casts over Bullock and when he turns to see, he stands face to face with the 'creature' that haunted him since he was 15.

"Aaaahhhh!" Bullock screams, running back into the camp, making everyone startled up from their sleep and sticking their heads out their tents. Slowly, rubbing their eyes and yawning the crowd walks upon the very scared Bullock. "Chicken! Roaring... roaring huge chicken! Chicken roar huge... huge roaring chicken!"

"Is he saying he saw a huge roaring chicken?" Nygma asks, puzzled look on his face.

"Not chicken," Bullock pants heavily. "Fabled monster of Gotham City! Huge! Massive! What's the other word... colossal!"

"But what happened with the chicken?" Nygma asks.

"Forget the chicken!" Bullock stomps his foot, hands gripping deranged at his own hair. "We've got to get out of here!"

Selina yawns behind her hand; "Is anyone falling for this?"

"I don't know," Jim starts, placing his hand onto Bullock's shoulder who still pants like an over heated rhinoceros. "I haven't seen him this freaked out since he found a leech on his..."

"I'll stop you right there!" Alfred cuts Jim off, knowing exactly what the next word was going to be. Selina grins. "But fine, just lets go there and check out so we all can go back to sleep."

"Yeah." Bruce says, his voice wavering. "You should go and check it out."

Selina laughs, looking at Bruce. "Kid, are you scared?"

"N-no, but if Detective Bullock is right, it could be dangerous. I d-don't want anyone to get hurt."

Selina bats her eyelashes and pouts her lips, lightly touching Bruce's nose with her finger. "Fine. You can stay here alone in the dark while the rest of us go looking for the monster in the woods."

As the gang starts to walk off towards the dark, led by Bullock, Selina could see Bruce reluctantly starting to follow, and she smirks. Alfred sighs, saying, "Where exactly did you see the monster?"

"Not far." Bullock whispers, "Should be around here somewhere."

The gang starts becoming more wary as they got deeper into the woods. One of Selina's cats brushes past Ed's leg, making him jump. Finally, Bullock stops moving, holding his hand up and whispering, "We're here. The monster should be somewhere around here."

Ed stepped to the front of the group, looking around. "Well, I don't see any- AAAIIIIEEE!"

He jumped up as something touched his leg and started running back to hug Jim, who looked weirded out as he tried gently pushing Ed off of himself. Selina looked to the front, and saw a chicken, small and white, pecking at the ground. "You people are pathetic."

"The monster was right here!" Bullock yelled. "I swear, I saw something huge."

Ed regained his composure. "What can you see and still not believe in?"

"You calling me a liar?" Bullock asked.

Selina shrugged. "Or he called you an acid trip."

Alfred led the others back to the campfire, Bullock stomping the ground and going with the others. Selina was the last to turn back, and peered from behind the trees as she saw a tall, hairy figure running past the woods and into the dark.


	3. The Fabled Monster of Gotham City

**Once again, we'd like to thank guys for your support. This has gotten a bunch of favourites and follows, and we really appreciate it. If you guys have any theories on what the Fabled Monster of Gotham City really is, leave it in a review, and we'll put your name in at the end if you're right! Be sure to check out my other stories, and FanWriter83's profile.**

"Kiddo, you'll sleep with me and Alfred JR," Selina announces and before Bruce even could react, she already had pulled him inside. Then, to whisper voice; "There's something I need to tell you." Bruce's eyes grow wide as Selina tell him, when everyone went back to the campfire she had turned back to the spot where Bullock had seen the Fabled Monster of Gotham City. "Maybe Bullock might be right. Maybe there is something. I saw a tall and hairy figure running past the woods and into the dark."

"Maybe we should tell Alfred," Bruce suggest, whimpering in fear. Selina shakes her head rapidly. "But it could be dangerous! Didn't you hear Bullock's part of his story where that monster bit off hid dad's arm?"

"The guy exaggerated!" Selina exclaims, tucking herself into her sleeping bag. "Didn't you heard Jim saying he once told him the same story, only his dad lost his arm in the military?" Bruce shrugs, still looking doubtfully. "The first thing Alfred will do tomorrow is packing bags, but we have to stop him from doing so. We'll beg him to stay longer and we go searching for that hairy figure." Selina turns off the light.

"Fabled Monster of Gotham City," Bruce corrects her, searching for another sleeping bag, only there isn't any. "Selina?" Selina replies with a muffled; "Hmm". Bruce slowly bends closer. "I don't have a sleeping bag." Bruce imagines a wide smirk on Selina's face when she unzips her own sleeping bag, inviting Bruce inside.

For minutes they just lie there, listening to the animal cries in the woods. Feeling each others body warmth and slowly falling into slumber. A few minutes later, they´re both fast asleep.

The next morning, the two awoke to the sounds of the adults packing up their tents and dousing the fire.

Selina jolts awake, surprising Bruce. "Wait! We can't go yet!"

Bruce groans and sits up, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Alfred narrows his eyes, "You were sleeping in there with him all night?"

Bullock laughs. "The kid's a player. Ed, take notes."

Bruce once again starts blushing, but Selina ignores their comments. "We can't go back to Wayne manor just yet! We have to find the monster! It's out there!"

Alfred and Jim start laughing, and Bullock looks at the two adults sternly. "See! The monster's real!"

Selina starts crawling to Alfred's feet and Alfred fails to look dignified as Jim looks confused at them. "Please, Alfred? It could be dangerous. I'll never sleep at night again if I don't know what it is, then I'll make cat noises all night long and you and Bruce will go insane and Bruce will make bat noises all night. Is that what you want?"

Alfred shakes his head, trying to shake Selina off of him when she starts hugging his legs and making loud cat sounds, "Meeoooowww! Meeooowww!" Everyone looks questioningly at her and Alfred tries to calm her down. "Meeooowww!"

"Fine! We can stay!"

"Meow!" Selina smiles, grabbing Bruce and running into the woods.

"Wait for me!" Bullock crawls to his wobbly feet as well, trying to catch up to kids. "I'm coming with you."

"Do we have to tell him, they're obviously messing with his head?" Jim chuckles, helping Alfred to put up the fire again and start on breakfast. Alfred just shrugs.

Selina and Bruce wait for Bullock, who finally catches them up and breaths heavily, trying to keep standing on his feet. `Let´s find us that Fabled monster, right?"

For more than ten minutes, the three campers walk through the woods, trying to find the location where Bullock (and Selina) had seen the monster last. But everything seems different in daylight, and no footprints to be seen either.

"Okay giant Fabled monster of Gotham city," Bullock growls, sticking his head into some shrubs to look if it was maybe hiding behind it. Nothing! "You're official noticed. Oh, you can run but you can't hide. Because nothing escapes the watchful eye of Bul..- aaah!" Bullock suddenly makes a miss step, causing him to tumble down into an old and dry well, whimpering and madly scowling along the way. The chicken had followed them again, now staring worriedly into the well, beside Selina and Bruce. When Bullock had hit the bottom; Oh, I am hurt! I am very much hurt!"

Bruce and Selina share a worriedly looking, chewing the insides of their mouths thoughtfully as they think of an idea how to get Bullock out of the well. No results.

Not waiting for the useless children to help him, Bullock climbs his way back up the well wall, since there where stones missing and pretty useful for hand and foot grip.

"You couldn't have warned me?" Bullock groans, heaving himself onto the well ledge and crawling back to his feet. Selina just shrugs.

"What would be the fun in that?" Bullock shoots an angry glare at Selina, heading on his way for the Fabled Monster again. Closely followed by Bruce, Selina and the chicken. "It seems Bullock has a new friend," Selina snorts at Bruce, signalling her head toward the chicken. Bruce smiles, batting his eyelashes. Bullock decides to ignore their laughter's of pleasure.

Neither of them is aware of a hairy figure, lurking at them from behind the trees.

Bruce, starting to get tired from walking, sat down on a nearby rock, waving to Selina. "You guys go on ahead. Maybe I'll go back for breakfast with Alfred and Jim."

"Wait." Selina gasps. "What are you sitting on?"

Bruce stands up, brushing the dirt off his pants and looking where he was sitting. Right on the side of the rock he was sitting on, a trail of footprints started. Big, deep, hairy footprints.

"I think they're leading back to the camp!" Bullock exclaims, and the three ran back to the campsite through the woods the way they came to find the fire out, the entire site a mess, and Ed gone with Jim and Alfred looking scared.

"The Fabled Monster of Gotham city was here! It took all our food and it took Ed!" Jim yelled.

Bullock crossed his arms, "Now do you believe me?"

"I-I..."

Just then, they heard a rustling in the bushes and Ed ran out of the trees screaming and panting. "Monster! It's- it's-"


	4. The Monster Strikes

"That's it! We head back to the manor," Alfred bellowed, start packing the left of their things, which were only the tents and sleeping bags. "This is getting too dangerous."

"Oh, quit your whining, old man!" Selina spats, annoyed looking. Bullock hides a smirk behind his hand. Ed, still looks bewildered. Jim's eyes grow wide. Bruce, quite pale in his face. Alfred stares at her with rage. "Look, it's like you said yesterday. It's only just a few minutes away from Wayne Manor. Do you really think we will be safe there? I say we have to solve this mystery."

"Fine, then you stay here with your overgrown cat," Bullock snaps sarcastically, already heading back, which way he thought the manor would be. Which it wasn't. "I'm going back!"

"He's right, Selina. It's not safe," Jim says, about to push her after Bullock but the girl objects.

"We can't. You're a cop, aren't you suppose to lock up freaks like that?"

"Fabled Monster of Gotham City, kitty-girl!" Bullock snarls, turning around again. "We lock up people."

"So, you guys still think it's a monster?" Selina folds her arms and snorts. "That's not even possible. I just think it's a dude with a costume! You guys go, I'm going nowhere." And with that said, Selina sits down, stubborn.

"Be my guest, kitty-girl," Bullock snorts, turning around again, walking off. "I'm out of here!"

"Wayne Manor is the other way, dip-stick!" Selina scowls, resting her elbows on her knees and cups her face. "Idiot!"

Jim pushes Bullock the other way, Bullock growling and cursing. Alfred follows, and soon the only people at the campsite are Selina, Bruce, and Ed.

"Well, Ed. Looks like it's just you, me and the kiddo."

Ed looks nervous and stammers, "What three letter word do you most often say to someone's back?"

Selina looks over at Bruce, confused. Bruce thinks for a minute, putting his hand on his chin. "Is it... bye?"

Selina turned back to Ed, but by that time, he was gone. Selina collapses on the ground, angry. Bruce walks over to her and sat down beside her. "I'll stay here with you." Bruce leans in for what he thinks is a hug, but Selina smiles and plants a quick kiss on his lips. With Bruce stunned and turning red, Selina pushes Bruce off of herself when she hears a rustling in the bushes.

"It's the monster! Let's go!" Selina yells. Bruce breaks out of his daze and runs after her, into the woods even further from the manor.

"It came from there," Selina says, pointing at the bushes and it starts rustling again. Bruce squeezes Selina in a panicked hug when suddenly something big jumps from out of the bushes, growling and hissing. "Stay calm. It probably can smell fear," Selina says sarcastically and that's when Bruce notices two yellow eyes look up at him.

"Alfred JR," Bruce sighs relieved, awkwardly laughing as he fiddles on his clothes. "I guess I'm a bit jumpy."

Suddenly a big shadow casts over them and something heavy knocks them against their heads, causing them to fall to the ground, unconsciously.

* * *

Slowly Bruce opens his eyes, trying to move his arms but realizes they are bond together behind his back. His feet are tied as well and the same goes for Selina, who lies across of him, still unconsciously. Bruce tries to wriggle his hands free, but it's no use. Whoever took them, knows how to make knots.

Bruce sighs deeply, trying to to turn his head far as possible to check his surroundings. All he can see is that they are in small cabin, which looks like it hasn't been cleaned in years. There is dust everywhere, even on the floor. And something smells rotten.

Selina's eyelids tremble slightly, painful moan escaping her lips as she opens them further, staring straight into Bruce's eyes. Just like Bruce did, Selina tried to move as well, quickly realizing she was tied. She groans angrily.

"Where are we, B?" Selina asks, trying to turn her head as well but quickly stops when another sharp pain flows through her head.

"I have no idea," Bruce replies and suddenly the both of them hear something moving in the corner of the cabin. They both share a anxious look, holding in their breaths. Was the Fabled monster in the cabin as well? Whatever it is, its'start moving again. It's walking a few steps to the left, then equally amount of steps to the right and it repeats multiple times like it's bound to a narrow space and can't walk any further.

That's when it hits Selina; "Alfred JR? Is that you, sweetie?" Alfred JR replies with a soft meow. "Don't worry, mommy will get us out." Selina quickly wriggles her hands, but her ropes are too tight as well.

Outside, large footsteps approaching the cabin and the door swings open.

"Master Bruce!" Selina heard the voice, and sighed. Half relief it wasn't the monster, half disappointment it was Alfred. "I've been looking for you for hours!"

Selina groaned, "I am also okay, thanks for asking."

Alfred hit a light switch on the wall and Selina saw the writing on the wall. Something with claws had scratched into the wall, "STOP LOOKING"

As Alfred was untying the two, Selina broke the awe by shouting, "Aw, how come every time we investigate something in Gotham city, someone tries to stop us? For one, can't there be a mystery people want us to solve, like some kind of conspiracy that leads to winning the lottery or something?"

Alfred finished untying Bruce and started on Selina. "Mr. Nygma is back at the mansion trying to piece together the identity of the Monster. He believes he has the sufficient evidence to piece together something important. You were right, miss Kyle. We weren't safe at Wayne manor. Detective Gordon and Bullock are out there looking for evidence."

Selina got up and stretched her arms, rubbing her wrists. "So what's this cabin?"

"This is the Wayne's summer cottage across the woods. Whatever the monster is, it knows who we are."

Selina quickly freed Alfred JR from his cage and the three, Selina hugging her cat tightly, made their way back to Wayne manor, where Ed, Bullock and Jim were waiting. Bullock looked at the others with an 'I told you so' grin on his face.

"Nygma, what do you have?" Alfred asked.

Ed stepped back from his data on the table and pushed his glasses up. "The Monster was at our campfire, and his footprints were in the woods. They haven't started to fill in yet, so that means he was there recently. But he couldn't have been there that recently and set up the cabin within the time it had, so that means he set it up and then went into the woods. That means he must have passed us at some point, so we checked all the routes from the woods to the cabin and we found a set of tracks from the woods to the cabin from the camp to the woods. All the paths triangulate to a specific point, so if we have two lines connecting from four positions, what do we need to-"

He was interrupted by Bullock, who had hit him over the head and knocked him unconscious, his head on the desk.

"Bullock!" everyone yelled.

"I'm sorry, but if I had to hear that nutbutt ask one more question, I would've groped my ear drums out. Basically, we need to bait the monster into one more attack, then we can find where he's hiding."

"Sometimes I wonder why Jim still wants to be your partner," Selina snorts. "Do you realize, that nut-butt over there almost solved the monster's hideout!"

"Seriously, you're going to tell me you actually understood that nut-butt's mumbo jumbo?" Bullock bellowed, his face close zoomed into Selina's. "Because I didn't!"

"And that's because you're an idiot!" Selina, zooming her face even closer at Bullock's, angrily glaring into his eyes. Bullock stares back. "And because now we have to solve it for ourselves, without him, I say you're going to be the bait so we can catch it. How does that sound, Mr Bar-breath!"

"Yeah, well I say we're going to use one of your cats! You have plenty enough walking around here!"

"Don't you dare to touch any of my baby's or I'll let you be castrated!"

"Well, I'll personally kick your butt back to the streets where you came from."

"Oh, very original!" All the time they kept glaring in one another's eyes. They didn't even blink once. Jim clears his throat.

"Look, this is very entertaining and all but huh...-"

"SHUT UP JIM!" Bullock and Selina snap at the same time, making Jim retreat, looking at Alfred for help. Alfred however, was for once happy the street girl wasn't scowling at him.

"All who says Bullock has to be the bait, raise your hand," Selina cries, raising her own hand in the process. Bruce raises his hand slowly but quickly stops when noticing Bullock's look.

"All who want one of her cats be the bait, raise your hand." About to raise his own hand but Selina grabs it quickly, forcefully twisting his fingers.

"Don't you dare, Mr Bar-Breath or I'll grope your eardrums out myself!" One of Bullock's fingers snaps, making him groan and collapse to the ground in pain, glaring angrily at Selina who looks back with a grin on her face. "Looks like I've won!"


	5. Finding the Monster

Later that night, Selina, Bruce, Alfred, Jim, and Alfred Jr. Went out back to the campsite, leaving Ed in Wayne manor with an ice pack if he woke up. Alfred had given Bullock a steak necklace and told him to stand in the middle of the opening until the monster attacked him. The five were getting some distance between themselves and the monster when Bullock came out of the woods a few minutes later, looking happy and eating the steak around his neck. He seemed to be ignoring the chicken that was following him again.

"Bullock!" Selina yelled. "Get back to the opening!"

"I don't want that thing coming after me!"

"Aren't you a cop? You have a badge and a gun and stuff, right?"

"So? I can't fight that thing by myself. Besides, you guys should be helping me. All of us know how to fight, except maybe Bruce."

Selina gasps, hugging Bruce. "Don't you make fun of my adorable Brucie."

Bullock slaps his forehead. "Anyway, it's been a few hours. Maybe it's getting tired."

"Yeah, either that or you don't look 'meaty' enough," Bruce snorts, cue wide grin. If Bullock was mean to him, why would he stay nice? Selina laughs, punching Bruce against his arm in delight while the others look either stunned or disapproved to both children. Bruce starts rubbing his painful arm when suddenly something starts rustling in the bushes.

"AAAHHHH! It's the Fabled Monster Of Gotham!" Bullock screams, running like a scared mad man back to the manor, cue followed by his chicken who had made the rustling noises. Selina snorts.

"Who can tell which one is the cop and which one is the chicken?" Alfred stiffens a smile. "Oh, come on, old man. Even you have to admit that was pretty funny and you are allowed to laugh your head off. It's not like you will break or anything."

"Let's go find that monster, shall we?" Alfred replies, rubbing his forehead tiredly.

Meanwhile, back at Wayne manor, Bullock runs through the door sweating and panting, and notices Ed rubbing his forehead and groaning in pain. Bullock looks up at him, confused.

"Ed, you're awake?" he asks.

Ed nods, "Yeah. It's so weird. I think a rock hit me in head or something."

"Well anyway, I'm not going back out there, so what are you doing?"

Ed pulls out a map of the woods from underneath a few books and starts looking over it. "You see, I believe the monster is leaving a riddle for us to solve. It turns out that in the woods, there's a dirt circle the Wayne's used for bonfires."

Bullock balls up his fist, trying to calm down. "Alright, get to the point."

"So, in old military maps, they made trails to mark their bases, using circles at the beginning of the line to mark them. Assuming the monster is using the same tactic, the two trails we have intersect here, the clearing." Ed points at a large clear patch in the middle of the forest.

Bullock gasps, grabbing Ed and shaking him. "That's where Jim and the kids are! You've got to warn them!"

Ed breaks free of Bullock's grip, fixing his glasses on his face. "Don't you mean, we've got to warn them?"

"No, I mean you!" Bullock yelled, handing Ed a baseball bat and a jacket. "I'm going to find out if that butler bought any more steak!" Bullock saunters of to the kitchen, closely followed by the chicken. Ed decides not to ask.

Back in the woods, Selina, Bruce and Alfred are investigating the large clear path in the middle of the forest Ed mentioned, when suddenly Alfred JR rushed between some trees and disappears. A few seconds later a loud hissing and growling is heard, followed with a loud and painful scream.

Selina runs off into the direction Alfred JR went, ignoring Alfred's orders, yelling her to come back. Suddenly, from a far, Selina sees the monster, rolling over the ground to free himself from the angry cat. He finally manages, quickly runs off into the trees the second he spots Selina.

"Alfred JR, come back, right now!" Selina orders firmly before the cat would start chasing the monster. Alfred JR hisses one more time and trails back over to Selina. Purring satisfied.

That's when the monster starts to laugh hysterically, trying to stand up, but falling over a few times and finally taking off the mask, revealing the smirking face of Jerome.

"Jerome?" Jim asks, confused. "Why are you terrorizing these woods?"

"Yeah, Bruce peed his pants because of you!" Selina yells, making Bruce blush.

Jerome's mouth curls into a sick grin, hissing, "Don't you get it? I'm not surprised. There's always that section of the audience that doesn't get the joke. How about a different punchline?"

Out of his furry suit, Jerome pulls out a gun and points it at the gang, making them recoil, when out of nowhere, Ed jumps out of the trees with a baseball bat and hits Jerome over the head with it. Knowing Ed's pipe-cleaner like arms, (Kristen Kringle had to open his ketchup bottles; not the best moments for his self-esteem) Jerome didn't feel anything, but the distraction gave Selina enough time to punch him right in the face.

He yelled in pain, then grinned and ran back into the forest, disappearing into the trees.

Jim picked up his phone and called the precinct, "I have a location on inmate five-seven-two-oh-three, Jerome Valeska, requesting backup at 856 street, Wayne manor." He ran after Jerome with a gun in hand, police sirens sounding in the distance.

Bruce, Selina, and Alfred stared at each other. Alfred Jr. in Selina's arms purred, and Bullock came through the trees, half-drunk, with the chicken in his arms.

"Okay, I decided it wasn't fair for me to hide while you were out here. Let's go catch that monster."

Alfred pointed at the chicken, "What's that in your hand?"

Bullock laughed, trying not to fall over. "He's coming home with me. His name is Jim Gordon Jr. because both of them show up whenever I don't want them to, they follow me around, asking me for things, and have both bit me before."

"Jim bit you?"

"Touch football at the precinct can get pretty rough."

"Yeah, and doing dirty things in the narrow men's toilet at the precinct can get pretty rough too," Selina says with a wide smirk, stroking the cat in her arms. Angry glares of rage coming from Bullock. Selina's smirk remains on her face. "You know what, kiddo? Maybe we should try doing the same thing in your bathroom." Selina trails off as Bruce slowly turns red before running after her.

"Master Bruce, Miss Kyle! Slow down right now and keep your hands where I can see them!" Alfred roars, chasing both children out the woods into Wayne manor garden.

"Look at them, Ed," Bullock snorts, stroking the chicken in his arms. "You might want to take notes!"

"Yeah? Well I'm not the one who's walking around with something that's supposed to be food."

"Don't you dare to talk like that about Jim Gordon Jr!" Bullock roars angrily, placing the chicken on the ground. "Now, let's go get him!" Jim, returning from the chase after inmate five-seven-two-oh-three (AKA Jerome Valeska, sadly enough escaped), watches puzzled as Bullock and Jim Gordon Jr start chasing Ed out of the woods. Bullock, angrily scowling and growling. Jim Gordon Jr, ... and picking with his beak at Ed's feet.

For those who are wondering how inmate five-seven-two-oh-three escaped:

Jim rushes after Jerome out of the woods, but strangely enough the young man in furry suit was still faster than him. Probably did a lot of training at the Asylum. It's not like he had anything better to do.

Suddenly, a bomb was thrown out of the trees and beeped, forcing Jim to dive to the ground to avoid the explosion. He looks up to see Jerome, standing above him and laughing. "I think my ride is here."

A wild tiger jumps out of the trees and Jerome jumps on it, ready to ride away. "Monsters are coming, Jim. Courtesy of Theo and Tabitha Galavan!" The tiger roared, and they rode off into the sunset.

The backup cops arrive, confused, and help him up. "What was that about?

"I don't know..."

 **Season 2 starts September 21, at least in Canada and the US anyways. I don't know about you guys in other countries. Whatever it is, it's sixteen days from the time of this writing, and the Gotham blooper reel is out in four!** **For whatever reason, I am so, so, so excited to see Zsasz work for Penguin. The King of Gotham just got a lot deadlier...**


End file.
